The Best Tattoo Aftercare Lotions and Creams

So you are about to get a tattoo and you want to care for it. Doesn't matter whether it is a small ladybug or a dragon that mounts the world - you want the ink to stay in the skin and minimal pain during the healing process. As a proud graduate of the 6x Tattoo School (medium and large) here is the best answer on the internet:

 1. Do NOT use a petroleum based product. Why? Because the AAD says so. Note, this isn't your cousin Ted. This is the dermatological doctors' body of knowledge.

 1.A. So DO NOT use Vaseline, most of the Aquaphor sub-brands (read the labels and see the paraffin), and any other derivative of petroleum jelly.
 1.B. Do NOT use products with various alcohols and numbing solutions. These burn quite mightily! The AAD doesn't say anything about them, but for goodness sake - why suffer?!

 2. That leaves us with two big options:

 2.A. The half-hour search at the grocery store for something that isn't mentioned in 1...OR...



2.B. Specialty products. They really aren't much more expensive than the tub of Aquaphor you are looking at PLUS there is no guesswork. You dropped big bucks for that tattoo (you tipped, right? 20% ? Good job, dude-dudette).

 2.B.1. The best I've found is After Inked. ($14)

• Container: Little Buddha on the front. Promises of peace. 2.5 or 3 ounces.
• Bouquet:  The fullness of Jergens mixed with grapeseed. It is a bit like lotioning in the Hellenic countryside. 
• Appearance: White cream, easy to spread, and disappears quickly. 
• Does it work: Heck yes. It goes on clear with a slightly greasy texture and thin veneer. Very good at moisturizing and excellent at preventing extraneous peeling. Feels like reapplication would be needed quickly, but performs quite handily. Let it settle and enjoy.

2.B.2. The runner up - Hustle Butter. ($16.50)

• Container: Pomade style (stick your fingers in) and certified by "Richie Bulldog". I don't know who that is. Content is king. 5 oz. 
• Bouquet: Strong notes of fruit and beeswax. It's the smell right before the mango you forgot starts to rot. Pleasant. 
• Appearance: Dull yellow, soft wax that disappears with light rubbing on the skin. 
• Does it work: Very well. Moisturizes down deep. Feels oily on the skin. Fruitiness diminishes in minutes. Effort is somewhat hampered by the declaration of odors.  

2.B.3. Also recommended (with reservations) - H2Ocean.  ($9)

• Container: Notes of tribal style (the 00's, in my lotion?), 2 or 2.5 oz. 
• Bouquet: Neutral, with hints of Jergens. 
• Appearance: Creamy white, spread-ability similar to 30SPF sunscreen. 
• Does it work: Indeed, with some minor quibbles. The lack of scent is nice. The lotion tends to build up on repeated applications, making for a tacky, moist feel. This is removed easily by a shower, but the cycle will repeat itself during those initial (heady) post-tattoo days.

3. What size do I need?

 3.A. For a medium size tattoo (6" x 6") 2 ounces should be more than sufficient. Apply lightly and reapply when the burn begins.

 3.B. Large tattoos can get away with 2 ounces, though 2.5 ounces covers frequent washing or sensitive skin applicants.

 3.C Do yourself a favor and grab a 3 ouncer if you are planning on being a slave to the needle. You can always use the stuff as regular lotion.

 Take care, it is a tattoo jungle out there!